why do you do what you do to me, yeah

Basically, life doesn't stop on account of what YOU are feeling or thinking. It keeps trudging along. This past week, I think I learned that people aren't what you think they are. When they do something you think is "uncharacteristic" of them, maybe it's not. Maybe that's them, and you didn't know them as well as you may have thought. People are so oblivious to what goes on around them, including myself. I wonder what all I miss out on and don't pick up on as I see there is a hell of a lot of that going on around me.
Don't dwell on things. I think about things an awful lot, things that probably didn't deserve much attention in the first place. The "why's" and the "what if's"... does that stuff really matter? probably not as much as we make it out to.
I'm finding a lot of comfort in music right now, because it is allowing me to feel what I am feeling without needing to discuss it with anyone. pretty powerful stuff.
well, '30 seconds to mars' concert on the 30th. stoked.
oh yeah... & miracles DO happen.

so many things i'd say if only i were able...

Wow... it's been over a year since I posted on this thing & reading all these posts are making me feel really weird and miss how it used to be a little bit. I have been living in an apartment with Katie for about almost 5 months now, and our lease is up in October. It has been fun and everything, but I am ready to get to a University and get OUT OF TYLER. I missed home when I was at Grayson, but now looking back... I am SUPPOSED to be living life away from the people I grew up with and have known all my life. I am SUPPOSED to miss my sister's sporting events... and the thing to do would be "visit"... not come back home. I like having my own place, but I am ready for a change. My plan is to finish up this semester & get my Associates from TJC, apply for Texas State after the semester is over, and move there in the fall when I have a good bit of money saved up and I will be 21! whoop whoop! :D

This past summer was a great one. Parties at our apartment, meeting new people, and people coming and going from my life. I have made a few new good friends that I didn't have before and I have also learned that I am not incapable of feeling some things as I thought I might be. It's definitely been a ride. I will be moving in with my Mimi in Waterton mid-October and hopefully i will have a steady job by then. I am just going to take it easy, focus on making good grades, & save my money.

As most things in life, everything hasn't gone "quite" as planned in the past year. I have done things I swore I'd never do, been hurt, laughed a whole lot, been scared to death, thanked God for his miraculous deeds, and been surprised by more things than not. We got a kitten! Her name is Lyric and I will be keeping her when the lease is up. OH! Also, relationships that I never even imagined would come back into my life... have somehow reappeared better than ever and I am more than grateful for that.

Basically, I have grown up and learned a hell of a lot since I last posted on here. But I am ready to take what I have learned and apply it elsewhere, keep all the new... and old friendships alive and better than ever, and go meet new people, do new things, learn new things, and live life like it was intended to be lived.

::megan rene'

be better than you were yesterday.

WELL BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY.
sorry these posts are getting so spaced out. the last week and a half has been pretty great. this past weekend was july fourth weekend and jordan came in for the weekend so we all got to spend some time with her... it was super fun and long overdue. im listening to the new cd beej burnt me right now and i love it. i stepped in her dog's crap tonight and then tried to put my shoes in a bag and put them on my antenna on the way home and.. well.. my antenna isnt straight up and i lost my flops. lol =P but its fine because they smelt like ass. literally. lol well i have been watching a lot of baseball for the past week and am going to watch some softball tomorrow night. my boys (brandon and mason) have been playin all stars in tyler and alyssa is in district in whitehouse. i leave next weekend for a week with the hearons, so im pretty excited about that. (:

i registered for tjc and am trying to figure out a way to have an apartment and a good job by the second semester. the job thing being first. oh yeah. i am almost positive i have swimmers ear. i have never had that and now that we have a pool and im swimming like every day, hellurr! ugh.. its not very pleasant. grayson is not being very nice lately... its making me sad. :( oh yeah.. and mom recorded the michael jackson funeral and deleted it before i could watch it!! agh i was so mad. but im going to find a way.

well... its 3:35am so i guess i will finish this later today and sleep for now.
:: megan rene'

just gotta hope its what i want in the end.

so, dane cook was amazing. i just watched juno and it was also amazing. i rented waiting because i was told its amazing. and i had a fantastical weekend, it was amazing. :) friday:: i babysat, drove to commerce to neeleys apartment, we ate at soulmans and then headed to dane cook!! being that close to him was freaking awesome and i loved it! they had pretty good opening acts as well. (: then we came back, went to walmart, and back to her apartment for the night. her doggy was pretty cool and little. also im going to say ryan and hunter are the luckiest two people in the world. enough said.


saturday i got to see the infamous HONEY GROVE and katie showed me around to all the places that one tree hill filmed at when they were there. it was awesome. =D then i made the drive home which was pleasant, maybe because i had an awesome night the night before but i did like the drive... it was loverly. then i got home.. swam, ran, showered, went to nannys and walmart to get things to make dads scrapbook i made him for fathers day. productive day i will say


then today i woke up super late because i went to sleep at like 6am. had a terrible migraine. got rid of it then hung out with nanny and the family. read mom and dads old love letters. lol then i rented waiting and madea goes to jail. had an amazing dinner, hung out with grayson and swam a bit, watched juno and currently watching WAITING.


im sure more things have happened since i last posted but i dont feel like racking my brain as to what those things might have been.


::megan rene'

youre a part time lover and a full time friend.

okay... the week has gone by & i never finished this post so here goes nothin.

i made a HUGE decision today and i am hoping its for the best but i cant be for sure yet i guess... i guess you may be wondering what it was. i have decided not to attend lon morris this fall and play softball on a softball scholarship. i love the game with all my heart, but i have quite a few things that i need to work on for me and for the rest of my life to pan out nicely... such as school, a real job, and losing weight and such. i want to be happy with my weight, so i really need to focus on that without worrying if i can fit into a softball uniform and not look like a complete lard ass and also my studying habits SUCK. so hopefully in this next year i can work on both of those with some success. :) i am actually really looking forward to it. the success part. i really REALLY wanted to go to school with one of my best friends and a girl i love with all my heart and consider her more of a sister than a friend any day. i do feel like i am letting her down as well as the other people who saw how grayson played out for me and wanted better for me and KNEW i was better than that. but i know honestly that i could have helped out on the team at grayson and believe i would have brought something to the team that they missed out on by not giving me that opportunity in ths spring. i will have to say that i am VERY upset that i will never be in the dugout like that, in big competition and screaming my lungs out with girls that i love and consider family... but i didnt have that at grayson so i can say i have been used to not having that for over a year now. i did consider them my family, yes... but the screaming and intensity of it how it used to be definitely wasnt there for me with all that was going on. so of course i cant be positive about all this right now... but i have made the decision and now i gotta stick to it. not too excited to explain it to everyone either but oh well... gotta make something of myself now. (:

other than that, the past week was pretty good, was with my kids like always (: -- been swimmin like crazy.. yesterday was the first day in a week and a half that i didnt go swimming... haha i love it. brooke is in colorado now for a week with the church, so i will definitely be missing her. anyways.. ill put pics and stuff up later because im babysitting...

::megan rene'

--addtions to my post (:

And the same when autumn comes...

Cold Air I breathe in my lungs
Something's new but nothing's changed
Familiar feelings just the same
Soon too the warm air comes by
Lie back and stare at blue skies
Thinking back away and from
When I'll be here and you'll be gone
Further from meI think now of summers high
And reminisce on past times gone by
Only remembered now in
Earth, trees, the stars that have been there
And there forever heldKept safe but memories never told
But felt if you went by
In never changing sky
And we'll be goneFurther
God's love will save our light and we'll come shining bright
God's love will save our sun and thy will be done
God's light will save us...

so... 4 days until DANE COOK! :)
1 month and 2 days until MY BIRTHDAY! :)

umping went a lot smoother this past week. thank goodness. i got to hang out with my favorite kids all week, and saturday was brandon & jordan's birthday... two VERY important people to me!! i got bran the movie taken and also napolean dynamite (being as that one was on the four dollar rack and i thought he liked it haha) and a case of cream soda && i got jordan a tshirt from pineapple willys, a shot glass, a lighter, an ELVIS sign, and the movie unfaithful (which is very sexual ha but also very awesome [:). i will be so happy to be getting mail from her soon!! PEN PALS! bahaha :) also brittany (the former roomie) asked for my address today and im REALLY wondering why she was askin for it! im kinda anxious. lol

today i watched some detective shows, yes brit i watched em. haha then i watched some "im a celebrity, get me out of here" because that show cracks me up so much. janice couldnt be more of a bitch and a liar. lol she obviously ate the granola bar and we all watched her do it and she goes on to deny it and play the "pity me" roll. haha i was crying from laughing so hard. =P then i helped dad assemble our new pool!! its above ground, one of those four ft ones... but we have never had one and i need some sun and some exercise to go along with it so i am happyyyy!! :) they are even going to build a deck! which i am super excited about! then i went and picked up alyssa and grayson and me, alyssa, and brooke practiced some hitting and throw downs then hung out for a bit, then they ended up staying the night over here. :) i absolutely love them! brandon was at a friend's so he didnt come with them though. grayson is getting so big.. its kinda sad but he is still the most awesome kid anyone could ever imagine! (: (: (:

well it is 5:41 am and i am still awake, which may be a problem come tomorrow... but maybe not. i slept late this morning so maybe i am making up for it?? haha maybe not. jordan's little picture quotes had me lookin for some myself so i am gonna put a few on here today because i found some really good ones.. plus a couple bob marley ones for you jordy since i know you love him and you havent put them up yet so i didnt know if you had them!! :) you probably do, but in the off chance that you do not... you will now!

i went through my old xanga with my little sister a while ago.. well hours ago... and all my quotes and stuff on there she loved. i think since i had it around the same age that she is now, she can relate to a lot of it so that made me happy :) and sad too about some aspects of that. lol

anyways i am really wishing my cd burner would work. that would make me so happy. and i wish the movie "PUSH" would come out so i can buy it. along with "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU" which i will get within the next couple weeks... when i get the money to spend on movies. :)

okie dokie, well i'm out. (:

::megan rene'
































JORDAN'S BOB MARLEY ONES :)